This is part of a series of posts inspired by the ideas in Seth Godin’s free ebook entitled What Matters Now.

The ultimate lesson of regret, the one that will help guide you into a rich and satisfying future, is this: Every time life brings you to a crossroads, from the tiniest to the most immense, go toward love, not away from fear.  – Martha Beck

Given what I do for a living, I run into a large number of people who aren’t excited about what they do at work. I ask them what they like to do. I ask them what they are good at. If I know them well, I mention some of their obvious talents. Then I ask them why they don’t do one of these things instead of what they are doing.

After they laugh, roll their eyes, or give me a blank stare, I usually hear something like this:

• I’d look stupid – I didn’t go to college to just be a belly dancer.
• I’m not smart enough to be a political writer – all the people who do that have lots of experience and education.
• What will my parents/friends/family/coworkers/church group think if I become a professional psychic?
• No one will pay me to make scrapbooks.
• I can’t make a change until I am sure I can make money as a personal trainer.
• I just need to put up with waiting tables for now – someday I’ll make a change.
• I’m too busy looking for a job. Once I find one, I’ll have time to think about what I could do with my event planning talents.
• I’m too worried about paying the bills to think about being happy.

Notice anything interesting about all of these responses? Yep, they are all  based on the same thing: FEAR.

I’m not saying you should go off and follow your dream of becoming a professional belly dancer if you don’t have a means of supporting yourself or your family. Or if, shall we say, you aren’t really cut out for skimpy, shiny outfits and shaking body parts in close proximity to strangers. Likewise, I am not suggesting that you pursue something you are obviously not prepared to tackle. I’m a realist.

However, as long as you are thinking about what you fear, you aren’t thinking about what you love. And fear will keep you stuck forever in an endless cycle. Anne Jackson, author of the upcoming book Permission To Speak Freely: Essays and Art on Fear, Confession and Grace, put it well when she said that “fear plays the role of antagonist in the story of your life.” If you listen to fear, you’ll never even have the opportunity to truly explore what will make you happy.

If this sounds familiar, try one of these methods for breaking the fear cycle:

Visualize yourself as if the fear does not exist.

This technique works because it allows you to experience the feeling of doing what you want in a safe environment: your mind. Simply imagine or visualize a day in your life as you do the thing you love. Athletes use this tool to visualize risky moves so they can train their mind to get past the fear before they put themselves in mortal danger. This technique works particularly well if you hear yourself saying things like “I can’t”, “I couldn’t”, or “I shouldn’t” because it allows you to “see” and “feel” yourself doing it. You may find that you enjoy the feelings so much that it is worth taking the risk and giving it a shot.

You might also realize that the problem isn’t really what you thought it was. For example, Nancy was a successful businesswoman who was an avid scrap booker in her spare time. She dreamed of starting a scrapbook business, but was convinced that she couldn’t earn any money organizing other people’s memorabilia. I took her through a visualization exercise where we explored a day in her life as a professional scrap booker. As she described her day, she saw herself booked solid, making more than enough money. But she also noticed that she was alone. This was deeply troubling to Nancy because she is a very social person. She realized the real fear wasn’t about money at all – it was really a fear of being alone. Nancy realized that in order to make her business dreams come true, she needed to explore her fear of being alone – and possibly find some friends who also like scrapbooking.

Research, research, research.

Sometimes fear of the unknown can keep us paralyzed. If you have the distinct feeling that you are about to jump into a very deep pool without knowing how to swim, maybe it is time to get some more information about your dream. Take some classes, talk to experts, read a book – whatever you need to learn more and feel comfortable that you have the skills and knowledge you require. Then you might find that your fear begins to dissolve on its own.

Figure out what you are REALLY afraid of.

Fear is a slippery little thing. Like Nancy found out, it can sometimes make you think you are afraid of one thing, when in fact you are afraid of something else. Another example comes from a client I’ll call Jonathan. Jonathan told me he was terrified of speaking in public. The problem was that his new job as Vice President of Customer Service, which he loved, required him to speak to groups on a regular basis. So, I started to work with him to build up his confidence related to public speaking. Unfortunately, no matter what I did, the fear persisted. After a few sessions, I stopped and, on a whim, asked Jonathan what topic he was speaking about. He told me he attended board meetings every quarter. As the head of customer service, he was responsible for presenting the company’s customer satisfaction metrics. “How are the metrics looking?,” I asked. “Well,” Jonathan said, “they aren’t looking too good. I’m making progress, but the department was in pretty bad shape when I took over.” At this point, I went with a hunch: “Wow, it sounds like that could generate a lot of conflict during the meeting.” At this, Jonathan’s eyes started watering. Hmm. What we really had was a fear of conflict, not a fear of public speaking. Once we figured that out, we were able to wiggle it loose. If this story sounds vaguely familiar, take some time to really dig deep and see if your fear is actually a screensaver for what is really holding you back.

Determine whether you can deal with the worst-case scenario.

Just recently, I made some business decisions that are relatively risky. I realize they might not all pan out as I hope. But, I decided that my business was important and I was willing to deal with the worst case scenario that could result from these decisions: this could include closing up shop, trying to find a low paying job so I could pay the bills, and swapping my cushy condo for a studio apartment, or worse, moving in with relatives. Do I expect this to happen? No. Do I want to fail? No. But if I do, I know I can deal with the absolute worst that could happen if my business risks don’t pay off. Can you deal with YOUR worst case scenario? If so, it might be time to consider moving toward what you love instead of away from what you fear.

Do you have other ideas about how to move past fear? I’d love to hear about them, and I’m sure others would too. Please leave us a comment…

During the last year, several businesses in my beloved community have closed and a few others look like they are going in the same direction. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the successful businesses have in common. Here is what I came up with:

1. Happy employees: One of my favorite small businesses here in my community almost always has three or four employees on the premises… the funny thing is that typically only two of them are actually supposed to be working. The others are there just because they want to be there. Some business owners seem to have forgotten that if their employees don’t want to be there, neither will anyone else.
2. A good product: Right now, people are spending money on things they really WANT that help them achieve their GOALS. People don’t want the same old junk – they want something that represents who and what they are and/or want to be.
3. Confidence: Taking the same old crappy merchandise or food (see #2) and putting it on sale won’t help. If you always have big red “sale” signs in your window, we know that really means you want to get rid of your junk. This makes you desperate and “graspy”, which is not attractive.

After I put this list together, I was happy to find that it aligns very well with the Law of Attraction. According to the Law of Attraction, “like attracts like.” What you get in life is directly correlated with what you send into the world via your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, which are just forms of energy. If you focus on what you want, send out positive energy (thoughts and feelings), and act with intention, you can attract what you desire.

To apply this to my list above:

1. Happy employees → Having positive employees who attract positive customers who spend money
2. A good product → Offering something wonderful to attract something wonderful
   
3. Confidence → Believing that you offer something wonderful
   

What happens if you do all these things? Well, you send out positive energy. And like attracts like.

So, when it comes to attracting success, a business is no different than a person. A business is an organism that projects positive or negative energy, which then allows it to attract success (or not).

Is this an oversimplification? Maybe… or maybe not.

____________________

I am an introvert, but I love to hang out with extroverts. Those of the extroverted persuasion fascinate me. I think the universe knows I love them because it keeps sending them to me. These wonderful souls accept my blunt comments and observations, and instead of thinking about and stewing over my words, they just react. So fun!

Introverts like me love the intuitive decision making process because it allows us to use our gift: introspection. We can think about what we notice and interpret it all in our heads. On the other hand, when I describe this process to extroverts, I get a blank stare.

An extrovert’s reaction goes something like this:

• “I don’t notice anything when I think about my question.”
• “How does what I notice have anything to do with my question?”
• “What am I supposed to be doing?”

Extroverts are more action oriented. They’d rather react to things than consider the options. They want to talk rather than think. They don’t want to sit around for days, weeks, or months contemplating a decision. Introverts love this (although it isn’t always good for us), but it drives an extrovert mad.

So, how does an extrovert use intuition to make better decisions?

The answer lies in an extrovert’s strength: action. If you are an extrovert, you don’t want to contemplate what you notice. You want quick action. The solution is to come up with “rules” you can apply to all your decisions. You can use these rules to reach good decisions quickly without the need for a lot of introspection.

Here is an example:

Maia was frustrated. She’d accepted 3 jobs in the last 4 years, and she was already on the prowl for the next “perfect” job. Each time she went for an interview, she got excited about the company, the people, the job. Her passion showed, and employers lined up to hire her. Unfortunately, a few months after she accepted a new position, she was miserable because the job turned out to be a nightmare. She couldn’t believe she didn’t notice the company’s crappy product, people, or work environment before she accepted the job.

Ahh, the joys of being an extrovert. The problem was that Maia loves talking about what she loves, and she likes taking action. She gets excited during the interview, and all her talking and adrenaline “hides” her intuitive whispers that are telling her to run.

The cool thing is that our intuition is very smart. If we don’t listen to the intuitive whispers, it sends intuitive slaps in the face. Maia and I talked about the last interview that produced a less-than-ideal job. She happened to mention that she felt very tired after the interview. Not just a bit sleepy, but so tired that she went to sleep in the middle of the afternoon.

This is odd. Maia loves talking to people and selling herself. She doesn’t get tired in the afternoon, especially not after a day of talking and selling. What gives?

This is the good, old intuitive slap in the face I mentioned. Maia wasn’t built to listen to her mind, but her body was speaking volumes in a language she could understand. Action and excitement is her normal reaction to a day of interviewing, but this time she feels exhausted. Red flag.

So, the intuitive decision making process for an extrovert is short and sweet:

1. Pay attention to your body’s reactions to decisions that turn out good.

2. Notice when your reactions don’t match this “good decision” norm.

3. Avoid decisions that favor these atypical reactions.

Maia realized that each dud job followed a pattern: excitement during the interview, exhaustion after the interview. My theory is that Maia’s body was simply worn out from dealing with the negative “vibe” associated with the company, the people, the position, or all three.

Seems simple, but my unscientific studies show that this process works. The body is a major gateway to your intuition. When you are experiencing something that is right for you, your body reacts positively. For Maia, this means energy and a feeling of vibrancy. When the experience is less than optimal, you will feel bad, or at least not normal. In Maia’s case, she was uncharacteristically inclined to go home and hibernate.

Dr. Martha Beck, the well-known life coach and best-selling author, describes this process best:

You can use your body’s innate properties to play a high-stakes game of Hot and Cold. Your body knows where your North Star [what you want] is, and it does its best to tell you when you’re getting “cooler” or “warmer.” When you face a proposition that’s wrong for you, your body will try to go into the negative gesture [the bad decision reaction]…. When you’re headed down your true path, it will want to celebrate by moving into the positive gesture [the good decision reaction].

It is worth noting that this technique also works very well for introverts. But for extroverts, the body can be the best way to access the intuitive mind.

I’m the type of person who makes lists for everything. So, when I started working on using my intuition in a more directed way, I read a lot of books about the subject. I was looking for a simple process I could follow. Many of the resources I found didn’t provide a specific process to follow, and those that did were too complicated or difficult to apply in a business context. Lots of great information out there, but I was looking for something short, sweet, and repeatable.

I experimented with different processes and condensed it down to a few easy steps. I came up with something that works really well, particularly for those who are introspective. Here it is…

The steps in the intuitive decision making process are:

1. Question
2. Notice
3. Interpret
4. Decide

Step 1: Question

This is the most important step. If you do not ask the right question, you will not get a good answer. If you are ever unsure about the information you are receiving from your intuition, always check to make sure you have asked the right question. Most difficulties with using this process are a result of asking vague, complicated, or compound questions.

Step 2: Notice

In this step you will begin to tune in to your intuitive mind. I like to describe this process as “knowing what you already know” because tapping into your intuition is not about learning new information – it is about noticing and documenting impressions you are aware of but to which you may not normally pay attention.

There are many ways you can notice intuitive information. You might receive intuitive information through visual images or sounds, via your sense of smell or taste, through sensations in your body, through feelings or emotions, or even through physical reactions such as nausea, headaches, body aches, or a sense of lightness. You may also have a sense of energy in the body.

Step 3: Interpret

Once you have documented your observations, you are ready to begin interpreting them. For example, let’s say your question was: “What skills will be important in my new position?” After asking this question, you notice a bird outside your window coming back to its nest with food. You might interpret this observation as the need to leverage your skills as a competent and nurturing manager to provide training and mentoring for your team. Or, you may interpret this observation as the need to successfully manage a new project so you can launch a new service offering. Your interpretation will vary depending on your unique situation.

Step 4: Decide

Now it is time to pull it all together to make a holistic decision. Verify your intuitive impressions in the “real world” if possible. Leverage analytical data in the form of reports, analysis, or research. Your analytical data can help you verify your interpretations, or possibly provide a reality check if your interpretations are bizarre, unrealistic, or dangerous. Interpretations that seem to encourage you to harm yourself or others are almost always something other than intuition and should be treated with extreme suspicion.

The first few times you use this process, it might feel a bit clumsy. But I promise, after some practice, it becomes second nature and allows you to make decisions very quickly.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll follow a real person as he applies these steps to turn around his business… watch for those posts…

Lately, I’ve been creating a lot of new decision-making tools and testing them out on patient friends (you know who you are). One of the things I’ve heard over and over is: “I don’t have any decisions to make.”

Really?

You make decisions constantly. Every minute.

For example, yesterday I met one of my friends at a local coffee house. We were talking about decisions, and she told me she couldn’t remember the last time she made a decision. Hmm…

Just 30 minutes earlier, when I texted her and told her I was in the area, she texted back and enthusiastically agreed to meet. Sounds like a decision to me. She drove to the coffee house and chose a place to park. Another decision. She grabbed her jacket before she left her car (yes, it is September, but it gets cold in the Bay Area in the evening). Yet another decision…

You make these types of decisions constantly, and most of them probably seem pretty small. But when you look at them as a whole, they create your life. They define what you accomplish, what you choose to pay attention to, who you spend your time with, and what you contribute. They determine whether your life or business is successful or not.

For example, what if my friend had decided not to grab her jacket? How would that have changed things? Your first response might be, “well, she would have been cold.” True. But my friend is extremely sensitive to cold temperatures. If she had been cold, she probably would have decided to leave earlier, which means we wouldn’t have had time to talk about ways we can tweak some tools to work better for her. We probably wouldn’t have decided to meet again next week to experiment with some more fun decision-making tools. And then we wouldn’t have come up with some cool ways to get other people involved in our fun.

The tools you use to make these “small” decisions are the same ones you use to make the big ones. The catch is that most of us just don’t pay attention.

Learning about how to make good decisions is another way of saying that you are learning how to create a good life or a good business. The way you create the life and business you want is by making millions of little decisions that take you in the right direction.