Caryn Reddick: Success Statement

I have a confession. When I did my own Success Statement, I was less than pleased with the result.

My Success Statement is: Influencer + Service

My Success Statement

The influencer part made sense. I love influencing other people to achieve a goal, and I think I am pretty good at it. So this seemed to fit right away.

But Service?

The term made me bristle a bit. While I fully support the idea of serving one’s customers, the idea of my personal Success Statement being about service made me feel a bit out of control – like I was under someone else’s thumb.

The problem was that when I thought about the word service, I actually interpreted it as servitude instead. I thought of service as being at someone else’s mercy.

Of course, this is a misconception.

Service is about helping those who want help or graciously and selflessly helping those who do not.

Servitude is helping those who don’t want help or feeling put out by those you are trying to help.

As an Influencer, my gut reaction to any situation is to try to take action – to come up with a solution to any problem and influence others to take the steps to fix it.

This works great when someone asks for my help. Or when someone wants help and also takes responsibility for their own life or business.

If not, well… it doesn’t work so well. Then I am in servitude. I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong and then expecting kudos. Or, I’m getting punched in the nose, repeatedly, for trying to help.

And then I feel used…. and then I don’t act like a very good Influencer.

This is not a good place to be.

It seems like this is particularly difficult for those of us who coach or consult for a living. We want to help – to be of service – but we have a tendency to end up in servitude because we try to help everyone we meet or we get overwhelmed by all the people who want our help.

Then we become bitter and resentful. Then we don’t like serving anymore.

We may find ourselves saying things like:

I’ve done so much for her. Why can’t she say thank you? Why doesn’t she show me her appreciation?

I’ve done so much for him. How dare he keep pestering me to do more?

Here is the hard truth:

If you decide to help someone who doesn’t ask for your help, you must be okay when they don’t appreciate it. They didn’t ask for your help, so why should they feel obligated to show their appreciation or reciprocate in any way?

And if someone keeps asking for more and more, it is up to you to set your boundaries. It isn’t their fault if you let them take advantage of you.

If you never run into these issues, good for you.

If you do, here are a few things I do to move from servitude to service that may work for you, too:

1. Always get permission

Don’t help people who don’t ask for your help. Or, at least ask people if they want your help before you dive in. This sounds very simple, but those of us who lean toward servitude tend to skip this simple step.

2. Know where your boundaries are

While it might seem contradictory, getting out of your mind and into your body can be one of the best ways to learn your boundaries so you don’t move into servitude territory. When you give your mind time to rest by paying attention to your body, you have time to process experiences and feelings. This will help prevent you from trying to serve those who don’t want or need to be served.

The key is to find a way to focus on your body and your breath. Try any type of moving meditation, such as running, walking, cycling, or swimming. You are looking for an activity that includes simple, repetitive physical movements without the need to concentrate intently on each move.

While you are engaged in your moving meditation, notice how your body feels, not what you are thinking. Breathe and feel where your body ends. This will help you process the day through your body and set appropriate boundaries in all areas of your life.

3. Be able to say “no”

Do you often feel like you “must” help someone, even though you don’t want to? Do you constantly find yourself using the words “have to”?

While some tasks and obligations are truly mandatory, most aren’t. You are simply choosing to help someone in order to obtain the benefits of that help.

The next time you find yourself saying “I have to”, ask one simple question: Why?

If this doesn’t generate a valid reason, ask it again. Keep asking this simple question until you get to the root of your reasons for doing something you don’t want to do. Even if you decide to do it anyway, you will be doing so with a clear reason for your decision.

It's all about me...

4. Learn how to be selfish

It is important for you to take actions on your behalf on a daily basis – these are actions that you want to take for you, not for someone else. A great way to make sure you are taking these actions is to keep a daily “action list” of actions that you have taken on your behalf. This list should not include activities undertaken for others or because you feel like you “must” do them. These should be actions you have taken to better yourself, to make yourself happy, or to spoil yourself. This may seem selfish, but learning to do things for yourself is a key to being able to help others. Keep your daily action list for at least a week and see if you can make it longer each day.

If you are called to serve, congratulations! It can be one of the most rewarding ways to live and work. My hope for you is that you recognize the difference between service and servitude so the world can continue to reap the benefits of your gifts.

Filed under: Business, Career, Coaching, Mission of Service, Role of Influencer | Tagged: Mission of Service, Role of Influencer, Service, Servitude, Success Statement | Leave a Comment »