Caryn Reddick: Success Statement

My red velvet rope policy

Posted on October 27, 2010 by Caryn Reddick

Marketing guru Michael Port talks a lot about the “red velvet rope policy” he uses in his business. His premise is that your business will be more fulfilling and successful if you choose clients or customers who you really want to work with. Of course, this policy requires that you weed out the clients who aren’t the best fit, who would be better served by others, or who are just downright annoying to you. These not-so-perfect clients aren’t allowed through your metaphorical red velvet rope. While these people may be the perfect client or customer for someone else, they just aren’t right for you.

I agree wholeheartedly with this practice.

In fact, I’ve been doing it for a while professionally. From a business perspective, it just makes sense, it makes me happier, and it allows me to really serve the people I am meant to serve.

I was talking to a brand new friend about this topic yesterday, and the thought occurred to me: Why not apply this same concept to my personal life?

I know for a fact that my personal and professional life are very connected. It stands to reason that if I’m not applying the red velvet rope policy to my personal life, my professional life won’t be as successful as it could be.

So, what is the criteria for my personal red velvet rope policy?

In the past I’ve considered this idea in a more general sense. But when I applied the same level of thought and detail that I’ve applied to my professional life, I found that the answers are actually the same. Not surprisingly, my personal and professional criteria are identical.

So, here is my criteria:

Smart (book smart, street smart, creative smart… any kind of smart)
Quick thinking
Willing to laugh at themselves
Always trying to improve
Good listening skills
Reliable (do what they say they will do)
Admits mistakes and tries to fix and learn from them
Takes responsibility for their own situation
Willing to tell the truth, even when it isn’t popular or easy
Respectful of me and others
Realistic (not overly optimistic nor overly pessimistic)
Introspective
Open to new ideas and ways of doing things
Willing to make a commitment to the relationship

Yes, this is quite a long list. You might think that not many people would meet all these criteria. And that is probably true.

You may also be thinking, “Who the heck does she think she is? How conceited must she be to think she can create criteria like this?”

Or maybe you are thinking that I’m not open to lots of different kinds of people.

But here is how I look at it…

My red velvet rope policy doesn’t apply to acquaintances, or Facebook friends, or Twitter followers, or people I’m casual friends with.

It is NOT about eliminating people from my life.

It is NOT about judging people.

It IS about me spending most of my time with people who inspire me to be the best I can be.

In my professional life, I do workshops and teach classes, and some of the people in attendance aren’t a perfect fit for me. That’s okay. I still like them, enjoy our time together, and want to make sure they get value from the experience.

I just don’t think they or I will be best served by a more formal relationship.

This is also true for close friendships.

While I will always have people in my life (and business) who don’t meet all these criteria, the people I’m closest to should come pretty darn close most of the time.

If not… well, maybe it is time to reconsider the type of relationship that makes sense.

I must say, it is very liberating to consider this in my personal life, and I can already feel that this will have a positive impact on my business. I’m just a happier and more productive person in general when I surround myself with people who truly belong on the inside of my red velvet rope.

Filed under: Business, Career, Challenging Assumptions, Coaching, Decision Making | Tagged: Michael Port, Personal Life, Professional Life, Red Velvet Rope Policy | Leave a Comment »

Pull-ups, part 2

Posted on October 20, 2010 by Caryn Reddick

If you read my post from October 12, you know that I was terrorized by pull-ups as a kid. Then, I wrote another post on October 15 about how I’m planning to spend the next year systematically questioning assumptions I have about my abilities, how I want to live my life, and what risks I’m willing to take.

So, of course, it seemed to make sense to question my assumption that…

I am not capable of doing pull-ups.

Do I really know that I can’t do a pull-up?

Isn’t it true that other people can do pull-ups, and that they weren’t born being able to do them?

Can’t other women do pull-ups?

I had to admit that the answers were No, Yes, and Yes.

My excuse has been this: If I can’t even *begin* to pull myself up, how am I ever supposed to improve?

I started researching ways to strengthen the muscles that are used for pull-ups, but quite frankly, it got a bit complicated and depressing. I’m not a gym rat, nor am I interested in physiology.

Then, lo and behold, the answer presented itself!!

The amazing pull-up machine for wimps!!

As you can see, it looks like some sort of evil torture device, or worse, a way to inflict capital punishment in an especially barbaric way.

But once I got over the look of it, this machine became the way to improve my strength so I can eventually do a pull-up unassisted. It will counter-balance part of my weight so I can slowly work up to a “real” pull-up.

Yay!

I’ve only used it twice so far. My performance was pathetic. But I’m confident that if I keep at it, I’ll eventually meet my goal.

Of course, I never would have tried if I hadn’t questioned that darn assumption…

Filed under: Challenging Assumptions, Coaching, Decision Making | Tagged: Challenging Assumptions, pull up machine, Pull-ups | Leave a Comment »

A year of challenging assumptions

Posted on October 15, 2010 by Caryn Reddick

You don't know what lies beneath that shiny business suit until you take it off

A little over a year ago, I made one of the bravest decisions of my life.

I decided that I was going to focus full time on running my own business.

Sure, I’d been dancing around it for almost a decade, coaching as a “side hustle” as Pamela Slim would say. But deciding to do it “for real” – as in getting up in the morning and focusing on it all day – was a very scary thing.

The funny thing is, although the changes I have made in my professional life have often been a challenge, they are nothing compared to the effect these changes are having on my personal life.

Let me back up…

I believe that most of us have two personas: personal and professional. For some of us they are very different, for others they are almost identical. During the first 20 years of my career, both of my personas were completely intertwined.

I was one of those annoying people who couldn’t talk about themselves without discussing what they did for a living. I *was* my job title.

That changed a year ago, and at this point I’m finally 90% comfortable with this change in my professional persona. I coach people through this process, and I’ve seen it work magic. In fact, I was feeling a bit smug about how well it worked.

I thought I was almost done with my own transformation.

Wrong.

My professional and personal personas. I wonder which one is which?

Although I preach about it all the time, I *still* forgot about the other half.

My personal persona.

I massively underestimated how much changing my professional persona would lead me to change my personal one. All of a sudden, I’m challenging assumptions that I could never have imagined questioning.

Even answers to fundamental BIG questions are no longer clear, like…

What do I like to do?
What do I NOT like to do?
What kind of people do I enjoy being around?
What risks am I willing to take?
Who am I willing to upset in the process?

As it turns out, this whole personal persona shift is much more frightening than I imagined.

So… I’m going to do what any good blogger does. I’m going to share my progress in this blog.

My goal is to share where I’m at, how it is going, and what assumptions I’m challenging at the moment. Sometimes the challenges will be large, other times they will seem trivial.

Once one assumption falls, they all fall

But it really doesn’t matter how large or small they are. I’ve learned that even small changes are like dominoes… each of them are tiny, but they have the potential to affect hundreds of others.

I appreciate your encouragement and hope you will get to learn from some of my mistakes.

Here’s to a year of challenging assumptions and becoming someone new!!

Filed under: Business, Career, Challenging Assumptions, Coaching, Decision Making | Tagged: Challenging Assumptions, Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde, Pamela Slim, Personal Persona, Professional Persona, Side Hustle | 3 Comments »

How I passed gym class

Posted on October 12, 2010 by Caryn Reddick

7th Grade. I'm the one in the purple shirt, 2nd row, 2nd from the left. Ouch. I guess taking my glasses off didn't really help...

I was one of those annoying kids who always got straight A’s. Add to this the facts that I was shy, had extremely short hair, wore glasses, and had braces, and it is apparent why I wasn’t the most popular girl in middle school.

Oh yeah… one more thing… I was very…um…well… let’s just say I wasn’t very athletic. Not surprisingly, my least favorite class was gym. And the worst part of the year was when we had to take the horrifying President’s physical fitness test (or whatever it was called). I’m not even sure it still exists, but this was a standardized fitness test that all kids had to take back in the 70′s and 80′s.

I hated the entire test, but there was one part that was particularly horrible.

Why the hell does she look so happy?

The pull ups.

OMG.

I could never understand how ANYONE could even possibly imagine pulling themselves up. I would just hang there. Absolutely no movement. None.

It was mortifying.

Plus, my grade was on the line. Since I couldn’t even *begin* to pull myself up, I was in danger of failing the test, and hence gym, because I “wasn’t trying hard enough.” I resigned myself to a big fat “F” in gym.

As I hung from that bar like an idiot, I could feel the tears starting to form. “Great,” I thought, “not only am I a complete wimp, but now I’m going to cry.” I could hear the giggles from the girls waiting for me to finish hanging there like a dead weight.

I felt someone come up behind me. As an unpopular kid, having someone quietly walk up behind you is not good news. Failing gym class, humiliating myself, and now the idea that someone was going to add insult to injury. I started to cry for real.

Then, something completely unexpected happened.

Two very strong hands grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up until my chin was above the bar. All I did was hold on to the bar. The hands allowed me to easily do what I could never do by myself. These hands lifted me up four more times – you were required to do at least five pull-ups – then they placed me on the ground.

I think I was in shock, because it took me a couple of seconds to turn around and see who was attached to those hands.

Then I was even more shocked. It was the “cool coach.” You know… the kind who is in really good shape, good looking, huge muscles… very different from the other coaches who probably couldn’t even do a pull-up themselves.

He looked kind of like this... but with a shirt on...

I can never remember this guy saying anything to me… or anyone for that matter. He never said anything to me that day. I don’t even remember his name.

I’m sure he forgot about that moment immediately after it happened. But after almost 30 years, I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Thanks to those strong hands – and the apparently very kind-hearted person attached to them – I not only passed gym class, but I felt like I was worth something. The cool coach took the time to help ME.

The moral of this story:

Know that the small things you do could impact other people in ways you might never, ever imagine. Even if you think you are having no impact on your clients, customers, friends, coworkers, kids, spouse, or even a stranger… don’t be so sure. You never know what small act of kindness could affect them for the rest of their lives.

Filed under: Coaching, Decision Making | Tagged: Act of Kindness, Fitness, Gym, Middle School, Pull-ups, Random Act of Kindness | 6 Comments »

Top 5 ways to tell that a rule is stupid

Posted on October 6, 2010 by Caryn Reddick

This is how stupid, self-imposed rules make me feel

Yesterday I decided to get away from my desk and go out for a quick lunch. This doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is.

You see, I have always had a “rule” that I don’t eat out at restaurants by myself. I don’t even remember why I came up with this rule, but I’ve had it since I was old enough to even consider going out for a meal by myself.

For some reason, over the last few months, this rule just started to seem stupid. So, I’ve started breaking it.

And I am so much happier.

It has made me realize there are probably other dumb, self-imposed rules I need to start breaking. Being the organized thinker that I am, I came up with some ways to tell when a rule needs to be broken.

Here are my top 5 ways to tell that a self-imposed rule is stupid:

See how happy she looks?

1. You don’t know why you have the rule in the first place.

2. Nobody is harmed if you break the rule.

3. Nobody benefits from you following the rule.

4. Following the rule doesn’t make you feel good.

5. Not following the rule makes you feel good, or even better, liberated.

If all five of these criteria are met, I know the self-imposed rule is stupid and I am free to break it.

If 3 or more criteria are met, I know I should really consider the value of the rule.

Do you have any stupid, self-imposed rules that need to be broken?

Filed under: Coaching, Decision Making | Tagged: Breaking Rules, Rules, Success Statement | 2 Comments »