Are you the victim of a changeback attack?

I have a friend – I’ll call him Jim – who had been hanging around with the same people doing the same thing for a while. Jim didn’t necessarily dislike his job or his friends, but he was ready to make some changes. One day, he started acting on those desires. He got some new friends. He started thinking about his goals a little  differently. He hung out at different places. Jim even took a couple risks and was very pleased with the outcome.

Of course, all his friends were happy to see Jim making all these positive changes, right? Um.. wrong.

When we go through positive changes – when we start to follow a path that makes us happier – sometimes the people closest to us don’t react the way we expect. This can be a bit of a surprise, and if you aren’t prepared for it, these reactions can sabotage your progress.

According to Martha Beck, best-selling author and life coach, “if someone seems strangely opposed to your actions, even though you’re motivated purely by good intentions and are doing nothing that could possibly injure him, rest assured that person is afraid.” When someone is afraid, the reptilian part of their brain starts to generate all kinds of fear responses. In Jim’s case, his friends liked things the way they were. His changes were threatening their status quo, and they didn’t like it. It’s not that they were bad people – in fact, they really wanted what was best for Jim – but the reptilian parts of their brains just weren’t ready for Jim’s changes. Jim’s friends were executing a changeback attack.

Here are some signs that you might be the victim of a changeback attack:

• Your family or friends start to say things that don’t make any logical sense. In Jim’s case, his friends began to insult him and his new choice in friends. These comments confused Jim because the insults just weren’t supported by facts – as is typically the case during a changeback attack.
• People who are normally fun and easygoing become withdrawn for no apparent reason. You may notice that some people start to ignore you or purposely avoid including you in conversations. This may be their way of trying to guilt you back into the status quo, or it may be an attempt to exclude you so they can continue with their normal social patterns.
• Those very close to you might start reversing their complaints about you. Previously, you were “the loner who never got out and met new people”. Now, you are “making a fool of yourself by hanging out with all these people who are just not right for you”. Whenever you just can’t win no matter what you do, you are probably experiencing a changeback attack.

Here’s the good news. According to Beck, changeback attacks are “actually a good sign because they show that you’re beginning to behave in ways that are genuinely new. And, if you can keep your own fear response from ruling you and act as a leader instead of a reptile, they don’t need to cause much trouble.”

Just recognize that your attackers are temporarily allowing their reptilian brain to run loose, and continue to create the life you want.